'Did my heart love till now?
Foreswear it sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty,
till this night!'
- Shakespeare, Romeo Juliet, Act 1.5
Foreswear it sight!
For I ne'er saw true beauty,
till this night!'
- Shakespeare, Romeo Juliet, Act 1.5
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Just think. You could be a big part of someone else's life and not know it.
~ Anonymous
~ Anonymous
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Present day, Mumbai
Two years. How soon they passed. I, who could not even survive a
day without Am had survived two years. Am. How I missed him every hour and
every second of the day. His arms, his chest, his touch. They just seemed like
fantasies to me now. Oh but I missed him! And how I did! The three months I
spent in love with him seemed like my whole life now. His 'Nihu! Jaldi aa!' ('Nihu! Come
fast!') was what I longed to
hear just as to give me more hope and assure me that he was alive.
His diary. How I longed to have a lover who would describe me in
the most beautiful of ways as Aman described the woman of his dreams but well I
had always been the one with the broken fate. Once upon a time, I had a loving
family, a lover and a true friend like Am but now I had none from the past.
The times when I look at the old photographs, I see my whole life
to be trapped inside of them and whenever I look at the old photographs of me
and Aman, I see something which means more than life to me. I see immortality.
Immortality. The reason why Aman didn't die two years ago. Though no one would
believe me on the matter, I knew. It was "Nihu and Am's little
secret".
The times when I look into the mirror these days, I see the culprit. The culprit who destroyed my dreams. I see it's name cut in deep on my head. I see 'cancer'. It killed my daughter before she could see the morning blues. And now it was up to kill me. I missed my hair. Chemotherapy had gulped it. It was difficult to convince Shah uncle and aunty that I wanted to spend rest of the days left of my life in the house and not in the hospital but in the end, they agreed just hoping that a miracle would happen and would save me from death. Mister and Missus Shah had been darlings to look after me. They did not have children. But though a couple of sixty, the love between the two could still make you feel the atmosphere of a black and white bollywood romance. They had first caught glimpse of me outside the Gokuldham hospital where I sat crying as I didn't have money to pay for the treatment of my unborn baby who was going through under-development then. They had paid for the same and had also invested over a fortune in treating me throughout.
'Mr. Shah, I'm afraid to say but Niharika has last stage uterine cancer.' I had once heard the doctor tell this to uncle. 'We would try our level best to make her survive but you and your wife should be even ready to react to her loss as it bears more chances than her survival.' the doctor had continued. Ever since that day, uncle and aunty had let loose their romance or rather we can call it happiness. Even after trying to convince them hard, I could never convince them to the core. They had meant the whole world to me for the past two years and they would always remain that way. But the cancer would one day take it all away. Away to a place unknown to the human kind. Away to death.
The times when I look into the mirror these days, I see the culprit. The culprit who destroyed my dreams. I see it's name cut in deep on my head. I see 'cancer'. It killed my daughter before she could see the morning blues. And now it was up to kill me. I missed my hair. Chemotherapy had gulped it. It was difficult to convince Shah uncle and aunty that I wanted to spend rest of the days left of my life in the house and not in the hospital but in the end, they agreed just hoping that a miracle would happen and would save me from death. Mister and Missus Shah had been darlings to look after me. They did not have children. But though a couple of sixty, the love between the two could still make you feel the atmosphere of a black and white bollywood romance. They had first caught glimpse of me outside the Gokuldham hospital where I sat crying as I didn't have money to pay for the treatment of my unborn baby who was going through under-development then. They had paid for the same and had also invested over a fortune in treating me throughout.
'Mr. Shah, I'm afraid to say but Niharika has last stage uterine cancer.' I had once heard the doctor tell this to uncle. 'We would try our level best to make her survive but you and your wife should be even ready to react to her loss as it bears more chances than her survival.' the doctor had continued. Ever since that day, uncle and aunty had let loose their romance or rather we can call it happiness. Even after trying to convince them hard, I could never convince them to the core. They had meant the whole world to me for the past two years and they would always remain that way. But the cancer would one day take it all away. Away to a place unknown to the human kind. Away to death.
'He is dead Nihar.....you
need to move on. I know it's hard beta but that is the rule of life. You need
to think of the bright future rather than the bitter past.' aunty would always say to me when
she caught me daydreaming or fantasising about my Aman. But she was liar when
it came to him. He didn't die. He just couldn't. People from the media also
declared that the cause of death was unknown. So how can he just die? It wasn't
possible. Not with my Aman. Never with my Aman.
Five months later
After thousands of convincing practices by uncle and aunty, I had
atlast agreed to join for the Durga pooja. But the saree was the problem. I
didn't have a red saree. 'Koi
baat nahi beta, koi bhi achchhi wali saree pehen lo.' ('Don't worry dear, wear any
nice saree.') aunty said. I went to my room and shuffled through my old
clothes to find my white yellow bordered saree. I found it and wore it in a
jiffy. My hair was of shoulder length now. I fixed some flowers to it just to
be remembered of my old self. I dressed up the best I could and went to the
mirror just to be startled a while later.
I went to the mirror to have a better look at myself. I was shocked with my appearance. "She was as beautiful as ever in the white saree with the yellow border, draped around her elegant body. The flowers which held their strong forces of attraction towards her hair so tight that even gravity had to give up, just increased her magnificence by a couple of levels." The diary! The description! I glanced at my spectacles which were kept on a cupboard nearby. " My heart skipped a beat everytime she crinkled her nose to adjust her specs and made faces which proved the fact that she was the soul of a five year old in the body of an eighteen year old" .......... oh my God! It was me all the while. Aman loved me! The diary! It was the documentary of me!
I went to the mirror to have a better look at myself. I was shocked with my appearance. "She was as beautiful as ever in the white saree with the yellow border, draped around her elegant body. The flowers which held their strong forces of attraction towards her hair so tight that even gravity had to give up, just increased her magnificence by a couple of levels." The diary! The description! I glanced at my spectacles which were kept on a cupboard nearby. " My heart skipped a beat everytime she crinkled her nose to adjust her specs and made faces which proved the fact that she was the soul of a five year old in the body of an eighteen year old" .......... oh my God! It was me all the while. Aman loved me! The diary! It was the documentary of me!
My eyes were
wet. Wet had they been ever since I had my last correspondence with my Aman. The letter. I fell to the ground. I had left my future far behind. I did not want another
future anymore. My future was Aman and I had unnoticingly left him far behind.
I could suddenly feel a pain below my abdomen. It was the cancer. It was raging. I avoided screaming and yelling out for help as I wanted to pass now. I could not bear any more pain. I was weak. I had always been weak when it came to my Am. The cancer was giving all in. I was realising how weak I was. I wanted to let go. It conquered more of my body. Slowly, it raged up and conquered the whole of me. It was dark now. Everything seemed calm and peaceful.
I could suddenly feel a pain below my abdomen. It was the cancer. It was raging. I avoided screaming and yelling out for help as I wanted to pass now. I could not bear any more pain. I was weak. I had always been weak when it came to my Am. The cancer was giving all in. I was realising how weak I was. I wanted to let go. It conquered more of my body. Slowly, it raged up and conquered the whole of me. It was dark now. Everything seemed calm and peaceful.
At first it was
dark all around. But I traced a path which could lead me to some destination. I
followed it. It lead me to a door. I opened it to see a field of grass. It was
twilight. It was beautiful. A banyan tree had dug its roots deep amidst the grass.
I saw someone standing under it. It was a man. I went ahead to get a closer
view of him and happiness struck me hard the moment when I realised who it was.
My Aman! He was standing there and smiling one of his toothy smiles that I
always adored. He held his arms out to hug me. I ran to him. We collided. He
fell to the ground and I was over him. We hugged. A moment later, his face
moved towards mine. I could feel his breath making designs over my lips. We
were stagnant. Slowly, his lips made way to mine. And then they brushed. The
feeling was inevitable. We kissed. Alas! We were together. Together forever.
Forever and always.
Three years
later, Little Apples Kindergarten, Mumbai
*It was recess,
the tiny feet rushed around in the garden and the cries of joy filled the room.
The group of girls was playing 'tag' and the group of boys stuck to running
races. They played like wild animals. More wild they were than the
proffessional footballers. They collided and fell and laughed and continued.
Amidst all this chaos, a small girl swung herself on a swing. She was alone.
Her wavy hair flew across the air for her every movement. Her specs fit loose
and constantly she adjusted them by crinkling her tiny nose. A boy came to her
with a dairy milk in his hands. He handed the chocolate to her. "Tum
kaun ho?" ("Who are you") the
girl asked. "Arre yaar, tumhari hi class mein hu. Aman naam hai mera.
Tu akeli baithi thi isi liye aa gaya. Ye le chocolate aur chatt kar ja. Tere
liye laya hu." (" I'm in your class. My name is Aman. You were
sitting alone so I came. Take this chocolate and gulp it up. I bought it for
you.") the boy said.
"Mere liye? kyu?" ("For me? why?") the girl asked. "Haa tere
liye. Woh kya hai na, tu roz yaha akeli hi rehti hai aur kissi ke saath zyada
baat nahi karti aur mujhe tere baal bhi pasand hai. Haa! Aur tera chashma
bhi!" (" Yeah, for you. Well the thing is that, you always stay alone
and you don't even talk much to anyone and plus I also like your hair. Oh yeah!
And your specs too") said
the boy pulling her hair and tapping her specs. The girl got upset and looked
away from him. "Arre
sorry yaar! Ab chal haath de aur apna naam bata!" (" I'm sorry! Now
let's shake hands and you tell me your name.") said Aman looking at the girl. The
girl looked at him, shook hands and smiled and said, " Mera naam Niharika hai. Tum
mujhe Nihu bula sakte ho. " (" My name is Niharika. You can call me
Nihu."). Aman smiled his toothy smile and said, "Ok Nihu. Aur tum mujhe Am bula
sakti ho." ("Ok Nihu. And you can call me Am"). They
hugged. It lasted for a long time. The recess was over. Kids were moving away
from the garden. Aman and Niharika were the last ones to leave. They held hands
the whole time. The chocolate wrapper lay in the grass beside the swing. It
marked their first acquaintance.*
